it was my playground, a simple apartment
across the street from strawberry milkshakes
over the hill from train watching
up on the roof observing all that ever was
in my little yellow room playing soldiers
down the darken hall questions lurked like mice
while in the kitchen stew smelled like comfort
it was a faultered-faultless childhood
a fitful-fantasy that kept me in hiding-wonder
would they ever stop quarelling
would my hands ever grow big like his
would my heart ever grow full like hers
would i survive in a world without them
as i listened to the chirping of birds out of sight
and saw the patterns forming i wouldn't brave
for all the frozen tears i knew
for all the fumbled fears
for all the crazy questions
for all the delusions denied
i could not reconcile my outer growth
with my stunted inner
i only knew that whatever would befall me
i would tumble
out of something, into something
i didn't want to leave
but couldn't be trapped...
ever elusive peace, joy, happiness
now i've said the happy words
and regret i've shared the pity
